It has come to my sight that many many people turn out disappointed in a long distance or internet relationship, so I have decided to write an article about the drawbacks and benefits of a long distance relationship. I personally am in one, and I have several friends who have one, or at least have experience with them. I will reason what you need to note, and what you need to abandon, and why it's maybe better to hit that other girl on in real life than that girl on the internet. Article will focus mainly on internet relationships.
Starting with a common quote - "Long distance relationships aren't real"
And I have to say, FALSE. This is blatantly incorrect. True, there are long distance relationships that aren't real and are likely to end in flames as soon as they begin, but so are there real-life relationships with the same fate. In my opinion (and in the opinion of many people that have misinterpreted my survey question which was originally aimed on making deep friendly bonds and circles of friends BEFORE starting a relationship) a PROPER relationship is based on friendship, regardless if LDR or not. If you start an internet relationship via a dating site, there's a high likelyhood the person you're seeing is someone completely else in-real, but with meeting on a forum and building up a friendship for one year, the chance is really low - yet there is one. In my opinion, even in real life, relationships with no friendly bonds before whatsoever aren't really deep and learned to support each other. There are lucky ones who manage, in real-life it's more likely than a LDR too, but try to become friends before becoming lovers. Also girls, have a boy in friendzone and keep having your heart broken? Try to ask him out. It might be much better than your former relationships. "Long distance relationships make you more suicidal"
This is what someone I know claimed, but I have to call FALSE. No link has been found between LDRs and suicide-likelihood, but a link has been found between suicide-likelihood and atheism. All suicidal people are atheists, but not all atheists are suicidal. I will refer to religion in another article, but I'll just say I'm not against atheism.Is it better to have a proximal or a long distance relationship?
Undoubtedly, proximal for the win. While long-distance (internet) relationships may be easier to start, and take less confidence, they are far harder to keep up than proximal ones. Much more financial resources are needed, and this amount rises the bigger the distance. It will be really exhausting, and it's one of the reasons why many end up in dust. Proximal relationships do not require nearly as much resources. In fact, a good-going relationship is possible even for free. The vast majority of surveyed people answered that they would prefer a proximal relationship over a long-distance one. Some even completely shunned away long distance relationships, but there's still a bigger lot who absolutely doesn't care whether it's LDR or PR.
What you need to realise before entering a LDR
First off, make sure you know the person. Online dating is only effective if you can meet almost immediately, so if you know this person from a dating website, and met them just now, they may very likely not be who you think they are. Do never rush things, first get to know the person as a friend, take your time, THEN when you feel comfortable with them, you can procceed.You also need to ask yourself: is it really worth it? Think about yourself and the feelings for the other person, and whether the impact on your life is worth for you, or you'd rather try in real life. You may become really dependent on media as communication methods, such as your phone or your computer. If you don't like this, stay away. If you, however, can manage this, and are certain the person on the other end is really into you and really who they claim they are, proceed to the third thing you need to realise.The third thing is culture, family and friends. Many people nowadays don't bother much about culture, and find themselves tolerant enough, but there are still many parents that restrict their children based on things they cannot really change or would be a too drastic of a change, for example race, religion... Few people however care about cultural differences a lot for themselves, and only one person taking the survey has claimed that they're afraid of cultural differences to not disappoint their family.But in reality, it's ok even for that one person to worry, as entering a long distance relationship, when from another culture, can mean abandoning it in good part and also your family and friends, especially when you need to move far away, or your relationship is not in consent with your family.Frankly, child disowning due to not agreement with family standards is actually still a frequent thing. It happens even in Christian families, when a child comes out as homosexual - they don't even have to date. I find this a failure of the parent and religion abuse, but more about that in another topic.And even if it doesn't come to disowning, if the partner is far enough, you must move together into one place to hold a good future life, and that means you won't be seeing your family and friends so often anymore, if. If you don't see a visible chance of this ever happening, or you simply don't have the courage or heart to leave behind your family and friends to do this, then stay away.You may also be forced to skewer your cultural standards for the significant other - such as disobey certain lines of a religious book. It's only withheld by the Muslims nowadays, but basically, even the Bible orders that trans-belief marriages should never happen, and are about as bad as homosexual marriage to many Christians. However, the meaning of marriage has changed over the years (go away, homophobicas!) and really, it's no longer what it's supposed to have been. So I think if it's for you, nothing to worry, but if it goes against your morals, then just keep away."All people in long-distance relationships have low self-esteem and need help"
Again, this is not true. Another phrase someone I know said. But if you are entering a long-distance relationship for this reason, then don't. If you have such low self-esteem you don't dare to talk to your girlfriend/boyfriend out right now, because you think you are ugly or feel not confident about yourself, how do you plan on feeling confident when meeting up with your long-distance lover? Clearly, people that have low-self esteem, but also people who are suicidal or feel discontent about their life, I will not exclude them, should NOT focus on relationships at all just yet. Work on a circle of friends instead and try to boost up your confidence. See, if you enter a relationship as you are now, even if you somehow pass by your confidence issues, the relationship is going to be "your thread of living". If you feel the slightest unstability, the slightest disorder, or see it break apart, it will break YOU apart. And it doesn't really matter if it's a long-distance or proximal one. Do I need to break up if I'm in a long distance relationship, because it's not worth it?
Listen up, if you love the other person enough to withhold the difficulties distance will bring, then it's worth it to stay. But if you're there, sitting, just moping lonely, discontent with your relationship, and feeling like it will never lead anywhere, just drop it. Whether it's worth it or not is up to you. But in general, a LDR can be just as worth it as a PR. Although...the effort for a LDR might be a bit of a unnecessary overkill. But if the will is there, then that's ok.In conclusion...
Love knows no borders, no distance, no rules. Regardless of what I say, trans-cultural love will happen, low-esteemed people will keep falling in love, families will keep being discontent about the childrens' romance stories. People will still keep saying "long distance relationships are not real" even if it's a lie. So basic guidelines you need to abide to are:1) Know that what you want is more important than what your family wants.
Of course, they might want the best for you. Think about what the after-consequences of your relationship are. If you are, say, 18 already, and you know your family is wrong about what they want for you and you know you can manage with your lover, go against them, even if it means - well - disowning. If you feel like a romance isn't worth leaving your family, and you know your family will do it if you do it, then just end the relationship right there.2) Learn to be patient, and learn that there's no such thing as fate.
Your confession doesn't have to automatically mean that you two are dating. You can tell a person you find them attractive, but don't want to date them yet due to solving your personal stuff or distance. If you feel like distance is a too big border for you, wait for you to live closer.Of course, this can cause a situation where the other person just leaves you with someone else. But I must regretfully inform you that there's no such thing as fate. Just because you love a person and they love you back, doesn't really mean you can get on together. Maybe it's sometimes for the best to temporarily part ways completely. or let them go on their life with someone else.Trust me, the right person will eventually come along. And even when not, you don't need a lover to live, really. You can enjoy your life without being taken to someone.3) Stay true to your morals, beliefs and culture
If you don't want to marry or date another religion, don't do it. If you disapprove of having sex before marriage, don't. Even if it means your relationship will end, stay true to yourself. If you want to keep your cultural identity intact and stay in touch with what your family raised you with, and your relationship is in opposition of what you want to do, drop it.4) Don't care what others say
Don't let your relationship be ruined just because others say it's not real because it's LDR. Don't let it be spoiled because your parents will disown you. Your will is the most important, and it's your future you're building with your own hands. Remember: you're the most important! Believe in yourself
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